Why "That's So Gay" is Offensive
It comes as no surprise that the term "that's so gay" echos
around the Miami campus as often as the Beta Bells chime.
Gay and Lesbian Miamians hear this phrase often, but
alarmingly we been hearing it from some faculty and staff
on campus.Below are three articles that deal with the term
"That's so gay!" and why it is offensive to the gay and
lesbian community.
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That's So Gay
Liz Palmer, May 10, 2000, http://www.brat.org/
I know you've said it. I've heard you say it. Who hasn't?
You heard or saw something that you thought was stupid or
ridiculous, and you blurted out, "Oh, that's so gay."That
phrase is typically used to identify something as negative,
and it's been in our vocabularies since about the third
grade.
When you get older, you might figure out that degrading gay
people isn't exactly a sign of sophistication and
intelligence. You'll keep using the phrase, but you'll
follow it with a disclaimer if you're challenged: "But I'm
not homophobic. I don't actually mean anything against gay
people. I have gay friends." It's the intentions of the
speaker that count, not the word choice, you'll argue. Then
you might complain about how "everyone's too PC" and how we
should all just lighten up.
Consider it for a second, though: how could the phrase NOT
perpetuate negative feelings about and stereotypes of gays
and lesbians? When you say that something bad is "gay," you
are in effect saying that being gay is bad. Imagine
yourself as a teen struggling with your sexuality. Every
day you hear "That's just so gay" from a dozen different
places, including your friends. It becomes apparent that
being gay is not a label you would want to have. Is there
any wonder that gay youth have the highest suicide rate
among teens?
Every time you say "that's so gay" -- even if you don't
consider yourself homophobic -- it's like an endorsement
for someone else to say it and really mean "I hate gay
people." And no matter what you really mean, it still
sounds like "I hate gay people" to a gay person, and how
are you to know who is gay and who is not?
Believe me, it's hard for me to figure out how to talk to
you about this, but some people have come up with effective
ways to address the issue. A BRAT staffer had a class with
a kid who could not seem to control himself from saying
that everything he didn't like was "gay." The staff member
asked him why he behaved that way, and the kid just blew
him off and said, "I'm not really homophobic." The kid
happened to be Jewish, so the staff member began remarking,
"That's so Jewish" in front of the kid. "Hey!" the kid
complained, "that's my religion!" The staff member said,
"Now you get it," and the kid did.
What if, instead of using the word "gay" for things I don't
like, I used it to describe things that are cool and
interesting? Would you get it then? After all, some of the
most creative and interesting people in history have been
gay or bisexual. Then again, maybe that usage of the phrase
would confuse you, but that's OK. Your current usage of the
phrase confuses me, especially when you insist that you're
not really homophobic. In fact, you kind of remind me of my
friend's uncle, who would spout "nigger this" and "nigger
that" at every opportunity, yet insist that he was not
racist. I didn't believe him, and frankly, I don't believe
you.
I guess I'll have to be creative when I talk to you or
other people about the issue. "That's not very nice"
usually doesn't cut it as a reason to change behavior, so I
suppose I have to draw parallels to your life and to other
explicit examples of prejudice. I need to make you more
aware of how people perceive you, even if you don't truly
mean any harm. It's inevitable that I'll encounter people
who think it's too inconvenient to change their language or
behavior, and people who can never seem to admit it's
wrong, but I still have hope. You'd be surprised at the
number of people I've talked to who have realized that it's
better to be part of the solution than part of the problem.
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That's So Gay!
Author: Regina Sewell, Published on: May 11, 2001,
http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/gender_society/68660
Copyrighted by Suite101.Com. Used with Permission.
Oh my God! Can you believe she's wearing that? That's so
gay!
No way! You went to the movies with your parents. That's so
gay!
"That's so gay!" According to Kevin Jennings, the founder
and executive director of the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight
Education Network, "That's so gay!" is one of the most
frequently heard insults among second-graders, second only
to "That's so stupid!" Second graders are not the only ones
to use this insult. These words are not said as a
compliment. Gay, in this context, is not a positive. It
does not refer to something happy or good. It refers to
something bad, uncool, socially unacceptable or simply not
ok. More significantly, this expression is a condemnation
of a particular group of people in our society who defy the
societal norms of loving and being.
Why should we care? It sounds so innocuous. It?s not like
calling someone a "faggot," "cocksucker," "bulldagger,"
"dyke," or "queer" -- or is it? And even if it is
derogatory to homosexual and bisexual people, why should
this be a "women's issue?" I'll tell you why. Condemnation
of homosexuality is an expression of homophobia ? the fear
or hatred of homosexuals. "That's so gay!" is an expression
of homophobia. Still, you may ask, "Why should I care?"
Here's why. Homophobia is rooted in misogyny - the fear and
hatred of females. Think about it. When coaches call their
male charges "girls" or "ladies," they are insulting them
for being "like girls" or "like women." For little boys,
that's the worse thing they can be. When boys on the
playground say, "You throw like a girl!" they are insulting
the person for being effeminate. When people obsess about
"faggots" they are obsessed about men that they perceive to
be like women. And let's be real. Society is much more
obsessed (with angry, hateful thoughts) about two men
kissing, fondling, or otherwise behaving sexually with each
other, than they are about two women doing the same thing.
At the same time, the terms, "dyke," "bulldagger," and
"queer," are still used to keep women in their place
because they indicate that such persons are even "lower"
than women in society. It is a label used to indicate that
the female in question is even more despicable than a
"girl" or a "lady."
So when we hear our children, or other people's children,
say, "That's so gay!" and do nothing about it, we are
tacitly letting them know that not only is it ok to hate
people because they are different, but that it is ok to
hate women.
More significantly, expressions such as "That's so gay!"
help perpetuate a culture of anti-gay/lesbian/
bisexual/transgendered (glbt) violence. According to the
department of justice, gay and lesbian people are the most
likely group to be targeted for a hate crime. When people
who are presumed to be gay or lesbian (and note that this
includes heterosexual people, bisexual people, and
transgendered people as well as gay and lesbian people) are
targeted, they are more likely to be beaten beyond
recognition than persons targeted for their racial, ethnic
or socioeconomic group. The gay-basher's weapon of choice
is a baseball bat or similar implement. It's as if the
attackers want to beat the humanity out of their victim.
When murderers shoot or stab people that they presume to be
gay or lesbian, it's not just once or twice, it's seven,
ten, twelve times, as if the goal is to totally eradicate
the person rather than to simply kill him or her. And in
case you are in denial about what hate crimes are really
about, think about Matthew Shepard, left to die on a fence
post in Wyoming, or James Byrd (who, although he wasn't
gay, was killed because he was black) who was dragged to
death from a pickup truck in Texas.
Hate violence is not just targeted at adults. The
Massachusetts version of the Center for Disease Control?s
Youth Risk Behavior Youth survey (the only state to include
sexual orientation in the questionnaire) indicates that
gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgenedered youth are
targeted with a great deal of harassment and violence at
school. According to Massachusetts survey results, high
school students who self-identified as gay, lesbian or
bisexual were seven times more likely than other students
to have skipped school because they felt unsafe. Data from
different surveys in other states support Massachusetts?
findings.
Being on the target end of this harassment is horrible.
It?s not uncommon for students who are perceived to be gay
or lesbian to be subjected to little and big acts of
humiliation, to have "fag" or "dyke" written on their
locker, to be "accidentally" pushed as they walk through
the hall, to have their property vandalized, etc. One
student in a self-defense class I taught, was "not allowed"
to go into the bathroom at school if anyone else was in
there. Another student was sexually assaulted because her
perpetrator thought she was a lesbian. Given the hell that
children perceived to be gay or lesbian go through, it's no
wonder so many glbt or glbt questioning youth kill
themselves. It also makes sense that authorities uncovered
information indicating that the boy who shot 5 of his
teachers and classmates in a school near San Diego had been
subjected to anti-gay harassment. To me, the surprise is
that such rampages don't happen more often.
So when you hear the kids on the playground saying, "That's
so gay!" and do nothing about it, you are inadvertently
supporting homophobia as well as misogyny and therefore
bear some of the blame for the violence that happens as a
result.
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Gay Is OK
By Eric Hunter, letters@citybeat.com,
http://www.citybeat.com/2001-08-02/gayles.shtml
volume 7, issue 37; Aug. 2-Aug. 8, 2001
Fag. That's so gay. Homo. Hearing words like these quickly
takes me back to my grade school and high school days, when
being called "gay" or a "homo" was my worst nightmare. Now
when I think about it, sometimes I imagine that my
tormentors didn't see using the word "gay" or "homo" as
anything different from calling me "stupid" or a "loser."
But regardless of which way they meant it, I knew it wasn't
a compliment.
As gay and lesbian issues come to the foreground of
mainstream America, awareness of gay and lesbian slurs is
growing. But I am not sure tolerance for them is
decreasing.
Avid MTV fans have, I hope, seen the public service
announcements featuring Judy Shepard, mother of the slain
Matthew Shepard. Each segment begins with jump cuts of
angry teens walking down a hallway saying, "Fag" and
"Homo." Judy Shepard then appears on the screen to ask us
to speak up the next time we hear this type of
discrimination. She finishes by tearfully warning us that
we might not have a second chance.
Strangely enough, the misuse of the word "gay" has been an
issue in my house for a few years now. For some reason, my
best friend and I found it humorous to refer to things as
"gay." Watching television, we commented on an actor or
actress whom we didn't like as "gay." After seeing a movie
we didn't particularly enjoy, we looked at each other and
exclaimed, "That was so gay."
The sophomoric humor went on and on, much to the annoyance
of my partner. Whenever he hears us call something "gay,"
he asks us to stop. But for some childish reason we didn't.
Then this month, while pursuing the latest issue of Out, I
read an essay by author Eric Marcus on this very same
topic.
It turns out that despite growing up around Marcus and his
partner, Marcus' young nephew Ryan had picked up gay and
lesbian slurs from his classmates at school. Most
important, he didn't make the connection between his gay
uncle and the idea of the gay people he was discriminating
against when he used certain words.
The story went something like this: Because of a discussion
with Marcus related to a new book he is working on, Ryan's
parents asked him if he knew that his uncle Barney, Marcus'
partner, is gay. Ryan said he didn't know. That night Ryan
asked his father, "Is Uncle Barney gay?" His father, who
was surprised by the question because Ryan has known Marcus
and his partner since he was a toddler, answered yes. Next
Ryan asked, "Well, if Uncle Barney is gay, what does that
mean about Uncle Eric?" Ryan's father answered, "Well, he's
gay, too." Ryan answered, "How can they be gay? I thought
'gay' was something nasty."
Sometimes, when I try to make an excuse for my childish
practices, I tell my partner that I am trying to take back
the power of these words, "gay, homo and fag" in the same
way activists tried to reappropriate the word "queer" with
the establishment of groups such as Queer Nation. Of
course, the point that I don't mention is that while I say
I am trying to take back these words, I am not using them
in any kind of powerful, affirming or positive manner.
If, as an out gay man, I have such a cavalier attitude
about putting myself and my gay and lesbian brothers and
sisters down, how can I expect anything different from
other people? If I am truly honest about where this
behavior comes from, I would have to say it is because I
think I have never been the victim of discrimination
because of my sexual orientation -- at least as far as I
know.
Of course, that doesn't give me the right to abuse that
luxury. Nor should I allow myself to live blindly
disregarding the fact that we gays and lesbians can still
lose homes, jobs and in many cases our lives -- all because
of whom we love.
Happily, for both me and my partner, I am ridding myself of
this embarrassing habit. More and more I am speaking up
when I hear someone misusing the words "gay," "homo" or
"fag." I find that these types of situations are a good
opportunity to talk to people in an honest way about my
life and what it means to be gay -- and make it clear that
gay is OK.